Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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