I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
