wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
