If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
