U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
