omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
