In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
