I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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