You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
