i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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