Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
