Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
