ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
