Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Alive.
So much puke
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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