his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
