i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
