Someone shit on the floor
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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