I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
