i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
MIDGETS
????
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
