you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
