The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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