You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just forgot I was standing up.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
