Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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