gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
