Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
