I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
