shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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