there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
