I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
