Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
