oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
