i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We left the knife in your bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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