Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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