Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
