This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i believe in u and ur pee
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
