What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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