when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
