shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
