kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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