She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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