Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
