4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
