8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
