Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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