You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
