I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
