Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
