Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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