So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
