Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
