kristin has been a bad kristin
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
