Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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