my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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